


All the Days You've Known

by romeoandjulietyouwish



Series: Lis Writes 9-1-1 [24]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Athena Grant Being a Mom, Bobby Nash is a Good Dad, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Fire, Fluff, Gen, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Evan "Buck" Buckley, Kid Fic, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bobby Nash, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeoandjulietyouwish/pseuds/romeoandjulietyouwish
Summary: A few months after moving to California, Bobby Nash adopts a six year old Evan Buckley.(series of connected one-shots)
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash
Series: Lis Writes 9-1-1 [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1725208
Comments: 128
Kudos: 441





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just so you guys know, it's only hinted at in this chapter, but further along, there will potentially be chapters dealing with child abuse.

When Bobby first moved to California, he thought he would hate his life, thought he would spend his days drinking and lying about it to his superiors. No matter where he went and what he saw, he could never get his family’s faces out of his mind. 

He didn’t think he deserved to live. He killed people, people he loved. It doesn’t matter how many times people tell him that it was an accident and it wasn’t his fault, he knows it is. How could it not be? But he keeps living if only to punish himself. He doesn’t deserve the peace that death would bring. 

Then, a few months after moving, Bobby’s heart was stolen by one Evan Buckley: an orphaned five year old with curly blond hair, red birthmark above his eye, and a big heart. After fostering him for a few months, Bobby took the leap and made Evan part of his family permanently. It was a rocky start and it took a while for Bobby to get Evan to trust him, and even now there are some bad days. But now, one year later, Bobby couldn’t be happier. 

“Come on, bud,” Bobby leans into Evan’s room with a smile. “Time to wake up.” 

“No!” Evan protests, rolling over so his back is to his dad. 

Bobby laughs, “No what? You’re already awake.” 

“I don’t wanna go to school,” Evan pouts. “School’s boring.” 

“Oh yeah?” Bobby sits on the other side of Evan’s bed. “But isn’t today library day?” Evan nods, his curls bouncing. “We finished your book last night, remember? You can get a new one today.” 

Evan rolls over to face his dad, looking at him critically. “But school is so boring,” he complains again.

Bobby pretends to think, “How about I get Miss Amanda to bring you to the fire station after school?” Bobby had already been planning to do that, but Evan doesn’t need to know that. It’s high time that he met the people Bobby spends most of his time with. 

Evan’s eyes widen, “Really?” He’s been begging to go to the station for weeks now. Bobby nods, causing the little boy to grin and jump into his arms. “Yay!” 

Bobby laughs, “Okay but if you want to go to the firehouse, you have to get ready for school, okay?” It works like a charm, Evan throws his blankets off and starts to hurry to get dressed. Bobby smiles fondly at his son and walks into the kitchen to start breakfast. 

* * *

“Daddy!” Bobby looks up at the familiar voice, grinning when he sees Evan walking in beside his babysitter. He quickly jogs over to then, lifting his son into his arms and giving him a big hug. 

“Hi, buddy,” Bobby sets Evan on his hip and turns to Amanda. “Thank you for picking him up. My shift ends in twenty, so I’ll just keep him here until then.” Amanda says her goodbyes and leaves the father and son. Bobby looks down at Evan, “You wanna see the station?” Evan nods eagerly.

As he turns around towards the inside of the station, he sees Hen and Chimney leaning over the railing watching them curiously. Bobby sighs, “There’s some people we’ve got to meet first, okay?” Evan clearly doesn’t like the idea, he wraps his arms around Bobby’s neck and hides his face. With one hand, he rubs Evan’s back, “It’s okay, they’re really nice.” 

“You sure?” Evan asks quietly. 

Bobby nods, “Very sure.” 

“Okay.” 

Bobby carries Evan up the stairs and to the loft where Hen and Chimney are waiting for them with smiles. “Buddy, this is Hen and Chimney,” Bobby tells his son, who watches the pair shyly. 

“Those are silly names,” Evan says softly. Chim snorts and Hen smiles at him.

“Hen, Chim, this is my son Evan,” Bobby introduces. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Hen says. “How old are you, Evan?”

“I’m six.”

“Well, that’s very impressive,” Chim nods. Evan giggles at that. “Did your dad give you a tour of the trucks yet?” Evan shakes his head shyly. “Well it’s your lucky day, buckaroo, do you really think I’m going to let your dad give you a boring tour of the trucks?” Chim laughs, “No, I’m going to give you an even better tour, and,” he leans close to Evan to whisper, “I’ll show you where I hide my snacks.” 

Evan laughs and looks up at his dad, silently asking permission. Bobby nods and sets Evan on his feet, lightly pushing him towards Chimney. “Race ya!” Chimney calls and starts down the stairs, Evan laughs and runs after him.

Hen turns to Bobby with a laugh, “Now you’re going to have two kids to deal with.” 

Bobby smiles, “Maybe so.” After a beat he continues, “He’s been begging to come here for weeks now, thought it was finally time to introduce him to you guys since you were just as eager to meet him.” Bobby has had to deal with Hen and Chimney’s constant begging to meet his son since they found out about him a month prior. 

“He seems like a good kid,” Hen tells him. “A little shy, but he’s sweet.” 

Bobby nods, “He’s been through a lot, but he’s a tough kid. He never lets any of it get him down, he’s-he’s the strongest person I’ve ever met.” Bobby sighs, “How do you do this? I-I’m so terrified that everything I’m doing is wrong. I’ve had him for over a year and I still feel like I’m in way over my head.” 

Hen laughs, “Yeah, that’s what it feels like to be a parent. Trust yourself, Bobby. You know what you’re doing.”

Bobby sighs, “I hope so. I love that kid so much.”

“Does Athena know?” 

“No,” Bobby shakes his head, “I didn’t tell her yet.” He runs a hand through his hair. “It never feels like the right time, I mean I can’t just casually bring up that I’ve been hiding a kid from her for seven months.” He leans on the railing, “It’s not like I meant to keep him a secret, I just...I don’t like talking about my personal life and…” Bobby trails off with an exasperated sigh.

“You’re scared about how she’s going to react,” Hen finishes. 

“Yeah. I mean she already has two kids of her own, would she really want to raise a third?” 

“Talk to her,” Hen advises. “And I would suggest you do it sooner than later.”

“You’re right. I’ll talk to her this week.” 

“Daddy!” 

Bobby looks up and sees Evan running at him. “Hey, buddy!” Bobby crouches down and scoops Evan up into his arms. “Did Chim show you the trucks?” Evan nods eagerly. He looks like he wants to say something but then he sees Hen watching him over Bobby’s shoulder and he ducks his head. Bobby frowns, “Do you want to say something more?” Evan shakes his head against Bobby’s collar bone. “Okay, kid. My shift ends in ten minutes. Would you be okay sitting up here for a little bit while I get changed or do you want to come with me?”

“I can stay here,” Evan tells him quietly. Bobby knows the kid is probably lying, he’s never been comfortable around people he doesn’t know. But Bobby trusts Hen and Chimney and knows they’re both good with kids, so he sets Evan on the floor and gives him a gentle nudge towards the couch. “Go sit down, I’ll be back in less than five.”

Evan does as Bobby says, both Chimney and Hen follow him and sit down next to him. 

Bobby changes quickly, not wanting to leave Evan alone too long. “You ready to go, kid?” Evan nods and walks over to him, taking his dad’s hand as they walk out of the station. Evan climbs into the back seat while Bobby stows his backpack next to him and jumps into the driver seat. 

“Good day?” Bobby looks over his shoulder at his kid. Evan nods with a smile. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: implied child abuse

Athena looks at Bobby from the passenger seat. His fingers drum nervously against the wheel and she frowns. What could Bobby possibly have to be nervous about? She’s been to his apartment, only twice, but still. They’ve been together for a while now, they should be past the nervous phase. 

Bobby lets out a long breath as he pulls up in front of his apartment and parks the car. 

“You okay there?” Athena asks him, looking him up and down. He doesn’t look sick or anything. 

“Athena,” Bobby turns to look at her and takes her hand, “there’s something I need to tell you. I...I have a son.”

For a second Athena’s mind goes blank. “What?” She looks at him with wide eyes. Bobby has a son? She thought both of his kids died in Minnesota.

“I have a son,” Bobby repeats, sighing. “His name is Evan, he’s six years old. I’ve adopted him a little more than a year ago now.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Does he not trust her? 

“You know how private I am about my life, Athena. I-” He checks his watch, “Shoot. His babysitter gets off soon so I need to head up. If you don’t want to that’s totally fine-”

“I want to meet baby Nash,” Athena cuts in. Because she is extremely curious about this kid, Evan. “What’s his thing?” When Bobby gives her a look of confusion she elaborates, “His favorite thing, you know? Cars, trains, animals?” 

“Bugs,” Bobby tells her. “He loves bugs.” With that, Bobby opens his door and Athena follows him upstairs to the apartment. When he opens the door, a young woman is waiting there for him. 

She smiles kindly, “Hey, Mr. Nash. Evan did all his homework,” seeing Athena in the doorway, she leans a bit closer to Bobby, but Athena can still hear what she says, “it’s been a bit of a more anxious day for him.”

Bobby frowns, “Okay. Thank you, Amanda,” Bobby smiles as the babysitter grabs her purse and leaves. “I’ll see you next week. Have a good night.” 

He leads Athena through the doorway. “Evan?” He asks as he walks deeper into the house. Athena trails a little behind him. They find Evan sitting on the couch, leaning over to the coffee table where he is drawing on a sheet of paper. Over his shoulder, Athena can see childish drawings of bees and butterflies and other bugs covering the page. 

“Daddy!” He exclaims when he looks up. 

Bobby grins as Evan runs over to him. He lifts the kid into a hug, spinning him around once before settling him on his hip. Evan is adorable, Athena decides. With curly blond hair, wide smile, and an adorable birthmark above his eye, he immediately captures her heart. 

“How was school today, bud?” Bobby asks.

“It was great! We had double recess today and we got to go to the library and I got to pick out two books. The teacher said that one had to be fiction so I-” Evan cuts himself off suddenly when he sees Athena standing in front of them. He leans into Bobby’s chest and softly whispers, “Who’s that?” 

Bobby smiles and rubs a thumb against Evan’s side comfortingly, “This is Athena Grant. You remember me talking about her?” Evan nods. “Well, I thought I’d bring her over for dinner with the two of us. I told you yesterday, remember?”

Evan doesn’t answer the question but looks at Athena for a moment before leaning up and whispering something too quiet for Athena to hear into his ear. Bobby’s face immediately grows sad and he tells Evan, “No, buddy, of course not.” Athena wishes she knew what that was about.

Seemingly content with the answer, Evan looks up at Athena warily and she smiles down at him as friendly as she can manage, “It’s nice to meet you, Evan.” 

“You too,” Evan responds politely.

Bobby sets his son down and then kneels in front of him, “I’m going to go change really quick, okay?” Evan looks hesitantly at Athena before back at Bobby with nervous eyes. Bobby seems to understand the message and quietly says, “It’s okay, baby. I’ll just be in the other room. I’ll be back in two minutes. Okay?” Evan nods and allows his dad to pick him back up and set him on the couch. He kisses the top of Evan’s head before walking out of the room, brushing the small of Athena’s back as he does so. 

Then Athena is alone with Evan. She sits on the opposite end of the couch from him and says, “Your dad told me that you like bugs, is that right?” Everything she knows about kids tells her that asking them about their interests makes them into little balls of energy and excitement. 

And like magic, the boy’s face lights up, “Yeah!” 

Athena smiles, “What is your favorite bug?” 

“Dragonflies,” he says immediately. “They’re like butterflies but they’re faster and cooler. One landed in my hair at recess and all of the other kids were scared but I knew it wouldn’t hurt me. And it was so cool and they have really pretty wings and- Oh! Did you know that the biggest bug in the whole world is-” All of a sudden Evan’s face grows pale and he clamps his mouth shut, looking down, rubbing his thumb across his arm in what appears to be a self-soothing gesture. “I’m sorry.” 

Athena frowns and shakes her head, “Don’t be sorry, sweetheart. Tell me about the world’s biggest bug.” 

Evan looks up at her through his lashes tentatively and says softer this time, “It has these cool prongs and they have these cool wings.”

“How big is it?” Athena prompts. 

“Bigger than your hand!” Evan exclaims, gaining back his confidence at Athena’s interest in what he’s saying. “I asked daddy if I could get one as a pet but he said no because he’s scared of bugs,” he laughs and Athena joins in. 

Just then Bobby comes back in the room now in more casual clothes and he smiles at the sound of his son’s laughter. “You wanna help me make dinner, bud?” Bobby asks. Evan nods eagerly and follows his dad into the kitchen. 

Athena does the same and watches with a soft smile as Bobby sits Evan on the counter and the father and son start cooking. Athena occasionally helps, but mostly she just watches Evan and Bobby interact. Since this recipe involves a lot of chopping and frying, there’s not much Evan can do, but Bobby talks him through the process, letting him nibble on the raw vegetables. Both the adults laugh at the face he makes when trying raw asparagus. The little boy occasionally throws nervous glances at Athena, but for the most part he seems comfortable with her presence. She finds that she likes him, he seems like a sweet kid so far and since he’s Bobby’s kid, she has no reason to doubt that he is. 

Once dinner is all made and set on the table, Bobby directs them all to sit down at the table. The apartment is small enough not to have a dining room, but rather a large enough kitchen for the table to be in the middle. Athena lets Bobby and Evan sit first, taking the places they’re accustomed to sitting in, before choosing the spot opposite Bobby. 

They pass the plates clockwise and once all of their plates are filled, Bobby reaches out for Evan’s hand next to him and then Athena’s across from him. Evan takes the hand Athena offers and all three of them close their eyes and bow their heads. Bobby guides them through the prayer, his low voice quietly echoing in the apartment. Athena can’t help but smile as she feels Evan’s fingers wiggling impatiently in her’s. The food smells delicious so she can’t blame him for his impatience. 

“Amen,” Bobby finishes, lifting his head. 

“Amen,” Athena and Evan repeat and they dig in.

“So, Evan,” Athena begins as she spears asparagus with her fork, “how do you like school? I know my son absolutely hates it.” She laughs. 

Evan shrugs, “It’s okay.”

Bobby nudges him, “Come on, bud. Just okay? You said you had a good day today.” 

“Today was good,” Evan corrects, “school is okay.” Athena and Bobby chuckle at that. Then Evan’s eyes light up as he remembers, “Ms. Daniels said that we’re going to go to a museum soon and that there is a room full of butterflies!”

“That’s great!” Bobby says. “Do I get to chaperone?” 

Evan thinks and then fixes his dad with big eyes, “Will you make me double chocolate cookies?” 

Bobby laughs, “I think we can work something out.” 

Athena smiles at the father and son’s banter, reminding her of her own with Harry. Eventually, the conversation turns from Evan’s school trip to Athena. 

“You know I have a son a little bit older than you and a daughter that’s in high school.” She tells Evan as she sips her water. 

“What are their names?”

“Harry and May. You should meet them sometime, I’m sure they’d love you.” Athena smiles, they really would. She knows that May loves being a big sister and she knows that Harry would be a good older brother. 

“Are you and daddy going to get married?” Evan cocks his head to the side. Athena feels her words get stuck in her throat.

Bobby nearly spits out his drink, “Uh, we’re not sure yet, buddy. We’ve only been dating for a few months. But if we do, you’ll be the first to know.” 

Evan seems to like that idea because he just says, “Okay,” and goes back to eating like nothing happened. 

After dinner is done and all the dishes are in the dishwasher, Evan convinces Bobby to let him stay up a little bit longer in order to finish his drawing in the living room while Athena and Bobby chat in the kitchen. Bobby leans against the counter, “Are your kids expecting you home soon?”

She shakes her head, “I gave them to Micheal tonight. I can stay as long as you want.” 

“After Evan is in bed, I’d like it if we could talk.” 

“Okay.” As much as he likes Evan, she’s still a little pissed that Bobby didn’t tell her about him months before. They’ve known each other for years and he never said anything about the kid. 

“Bedtime,” Bobby announces at 7:30 on the dot. To Athena’s surprise, Evan doesn’t complain one bit, unlike her children. Evan stands up and lets his father lead him out of the room, but just before they turn into the hallway, Evan turns to her and says, “Goodnight.” 

She smiles at him warmly, “Goodnight, sweetheart. Sweet dreams.” 

Athena sits alone in the living room for a while. She can hear Bobby helping Evan get ready for bed down the hall, every once in a while Evan’s laughter will ring out. Looking around the living room, Athena sees pictures on the side table. She can’t help her curiosity so she gets up and looks at them. 

One of the three pictures is of Bobby, his wife, and Brook and Robert. Their arms are all around each other smiling wide. Both of the kids look older so it must have been taken close to their deaths. She feels a twang in her heart at the image, knowing everything that Bobby has lost. 

The other two pictures are both of Evan. One is of him squished in Bobby’s arms, both of them sporting overjoyed smiles. The affection Bobby has for him reads clear through the picture as he looks down at him. The other picture is of Evan alone, leaning his cheek on a stuffed bear that’s held tight in his arms; his eyes are closed in contentment. The bear’s fur isn’t matted like so many of May and Harry’s but rather it’s shiny and soft.

“He’d never had a stuffed animal before I fostered him.” Athena turns around to find Bobby looking at her from the doorway. He walks closer to her and they’re looking at the picture of Evan together. “I had it waiting on his bed when I brought him home and the second he saw it he just gave it the biggest hug and named it Bunny.” 

“Bunny?”

Bobby nods, “He misheard me calling him buddy and that’s what he decided the bear’s name was.” For a second Athena sees something sad cross Bobby’s face, but then it’s right back to normal. “Should we sit and talk?” She nods.

Bobby and Athena sink into the couch, both of them have had long days. Bobby is the first to speak, “Thank you for being so calm about this, I should have told you months ago and I’m sorry I didn’t.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asks. That’s really all she wants to know. 

Bobby sighs, “I don’t know how you would feel about raising another kid. If you’re as serious about this relationship as I am, that’s something we need to talk about. I know we’ve only been together for seven months and I don’t expect you to have an answer right now and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were upset with me for hiding him from you.”

“I’m not upset,” Athena shakes her head. “I’m a little confused, but I know you, Bobby. I know you keep things close to your chest and I know you are insanely protective of the people you love. And I agree we do need to have a serious talk about our future together but not tonight.” 

“Not tonight,” Bobby agrees

Athena nods and after a moment she says, “Can I ask you something?” Bobby nods. “Earlier I was talking to Evan and he was really excited to talk about bugs and he was starting to ramble but then he stopped talking and he looked really pale and he apologized. Is he okay?” 

Bobby runs a hand through his hair, “Evan’s had a hard life. Not everyone he’s met has been...welcoming to him and how much he loves to talk about the things he enjoys. We’re working on it with his therapist, but it’s hard sometimes. He gets nervous a lot.”

Athena nods in understanding, “He’s a sweet kid. I’m glad you introduced him to me.”

Bobby smiles at him, “Me too.” With that conversation out of the way, Bobby steers the conversation to Athena and her day. She tells him about the new cases she’s helping with and about May’s excessive preparation for finals week and-

“Daddy?” Both adults look up to see Evan standing in the hall, a bear hanging from his hand. Athena recognizes it from the picture on the sideboard. He shuffles his feet, looking at Athena hesitantly. 

“What’s up, buddy?” Bobby asks, crossing the room and kneeling before his son and smiling gently. 

“I can’t sleep.” As he says that, his eyes flash over to Athena before looking at his feet. Athena understands it’s hard for a child to sleep with a stranger in the next room especially one who’s been through everything Bobby implied.

She stands, “It’s getting late, I think I should head out.” Bobby looks up at her and smiles gratefully. “It was nice to meet you, Evan.” Evan nods. 

“I’ll walk you out,” Bobby offers. He squeezes Evan’s shoulder before following Athena to the door. He kisses her before smiling, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, you will,” Athena smiles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> If you have an idea for a chapter of this fic, I'd love to hear it! Either leave it in the comments to send it to me on Tumblr @evanbuckley-heartofgold


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attack, PTSD flashback, implied child abuse

Bobby wakes up to crying. His heart lurches at the sound and he is immediately out of his bed and down the hallway. Evan’s bedroom door is open, but when he walks in he can’t find him. Bobby frowns, looking around the dark room before he hears a sob coming from Evan’s closet. The doors are closed. 

The closet has been Evan’s safe space. Whenever he feels scared or he’s stuck in the past, he finds his way to the closet, shuts the doors, and stays there until it passes or Bobby finds him. The first time Bobby found out about it was a few weeks after he started fostering him. He’d woken up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, and on his way back from the kitchen, he heard Evan sobbing in his room. 

Bobby walked up to the door and gently knocked twice, “Evan? It’s Bobby, can I come in?” He didn’t get a response from the little boy, so gingerly he walked into the room. Unable to find Evan on his bed or under it, the only possible hiding space left was the closet. 

“Can you open the door please?” Bobby asks softly. “You’re not in trouble, I just want to make sure that you’re okay.” To his surprise, Evan opened the door and looked up at him with teary eyes. “Do you want to stay there?” 

Evan nodded, “Safe.”

“Okay, buddy. Is it okay if I sit out here?” Evan nodded shyly. Bobby had sat there for as long as it took Evan to calm down and be ready for bed again. It was the first of many nights spent like that over the time he’s had Evan. It’s hard. Oftentimes on those nights, neither of them will get more than four hours of sleep and Bobby’s back and legs will be sore, but Bobby wouldn’t change it. He’s so proud of Evan for letting him in and for letting Bobby take care of him when he needs it. His little boy is worth any amount of sore joints and sleepless nights. 

Tonight is no different from the others. Bobby is careful not to tap on the doors or stomp his feet too loud. He sits down on the floor of Evan’s bedroom so that if he tries, Evan can see him through the slats in the door.

“Evan?” Bobby keeps his voice gentle as he talks to the closet door, “Can I open the door, buddy? I want to make sure that you’re okay.” 

“D-Don’t hurt me,” Evan whimpers. And that strikes him like an arrow in the chest, the fact that someone has hurt this child enough to make him so afraid. 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Bobby promises. “Do you trust me?” 

“I…” There’s a pause. “I don’t know.” It’s a bad one then. Most of the time it’s just a nightmare that scares him but sometimes, like now, something triggers him, leaving him unable to determine what’s real and what’s not. It’s terrifying to see his kid so distraught and scared, but he can’t even imagine how bad it feels for Evan.

“That’s okay, bud. I’m here to help you, I’m not going to hurt you. Can you open the door for me?” Bobby asks, he’s dealt with scared kids all the time on his job, but it’s so different when it’s your own terrified kid. There’s a long pause and then the door creaks open as Evan uses his foot to nudge the door open. Bobby lets out a sigh of relief. Inside the closet, Evan is curled up with his back to the wall, eyes fixed on the door, Bunny squished in his arms. The clothes hanging above him don’t even brush the top of his head. As Bobby looks closer, he finds Evan’s eyes filled with tears and his cheeks are blotchy. His chest is heaving. 

“Hey, buddy,” Bobby gives him a calm smile. “I need you to take a deep breath, can you do that?”

Evan shakes his head, “He’s-He’s here. He’ll hear me.” 

“It’s just you and me in the apartment, Evan. He’s not here,” Bobby tells him calmly. “There’s no one here who’s going to hurt you, you’re safe here.” 

“Safe?” Evan looks at Bobby with red eyes. 

“Yeah, you’re safe here. It’s just you and me,” Bobby reminds him. “I need you to breathe, okay? Can you follow my breathing?” Evan nods and Bobby slowly begins to guide the child through breathing exercises. It’s a little difficult since Evan is so far away from him. Normally Bobby will put Evan’s hand on his ribs to feel Bobby’s breath and to make it easier to match, but with Evan far away he just has to exaggerate the movement and sound more. 

After a few minutes, Evan’s breathing evens out and his eyes fill with tears as he says, “Daddy...I-I was so scared.” 

“I know you were, Evan. Come here.” Bobby opens his arms and a sad smile crosses his face as Evan doesn’t hesitate to crawl into them, dragging his bear behind him. He holds his son tight for a moment before saying, “I’m never going to let anything happen to you, kid. Never.” Evan tucks his head under Bobby’s chin. “You’ll always be safe with me.”

“I know,” Evan tells him. He curls more into Bobby’s arms and yawns softly.

“How long have you been up, buddy?” Bobby asks as he drags his fingers through Evan’s curls.

Evan shrugs, “A few hours.” He takes Bobby’s fingers and starts to play with them, “I was too scared to move.” 

“That’s okay,” Bobby assures him. Internally he knows they’re going to have to find a better system. He can’t have his kid suffering a panic attack for hours before he knows anything is wrong. “Do you want to come to bed with me and see if we can get some sleep?” Evan nods. 

Bobby lifts Evan into his arms, his heart breaking once more as Evan wraps his arms around his neck and hides his face. As he looks at the kid in his arms, he is reminded of a song he heard a long time ago. He starts to hum it under his breath, using it as a lullaby to soothe Evan. He smiles as Evan presses a hand to his chest, feeling the vibrations. 

Bobby gently lays Evan in the bed, following him a moment later, not surprised when Evan curls up against him. “Try to get some sleep, kiddo. I’ll be right here.” 

Evan nods and then asks, “Can you keep singing?”

“Sure thing.” Bobby wraps his arm around Evan and draws him closer. 

_You can take_

_You can give_

_Let him be_

_Let him live_

_If I die, let me die_

_Let him live_

_Bring him home_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this literally a whole chapter just to get Bobby to sing Bring Him Home to Evan? Uh, yeah. What about it? 
> 
> Anyways comments and kudos are always appreciated! 
> 
> If you have any ideas for this AU let me know in the comments or on Tumblr @evanbuckley-heartofgold I'd love to hear them! :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chimney babysits when Evan is sick

Chimney is in the middle of putting his dishes away when someone knocks on his door. He frowns, he’s not expecting anyone, but he jogs over to the door and opens it up. On the other side is Bobby looking worse for the wear. His hair is a mess, stubble covers his jaw, and he has bags under his eyes. Sitting on his hip is Evan who looks miserable, skin pale. He clings to his dad. 

“I need your help,” Bobby says, adjusting the bag strung over his shoulder. “Can I please come in?” 

“Of course,” Chimney quickly moves out of the way to let the captain into his apartment. He sets Evan on his feet and the boy sits close to his dad.

“I’m sorry, I would have called ahead, but I left my phone at home,” Bobby tells him. 

“It’s okay, what do you need?” 

“Can you watch Evan for the night? I got called into work in half an hour and I can’t leave him alone. He’s got a pretty nasty cold and I-”

“Of course,” Chimney smiles at him. “I’ll take care of him, don’t even worry.”

Bobby exhales in obvious relief, “Thank you.”

“We’re a family, Bobby, we take care of each other,” Chim reminds him. “Go work, I got this.” 

Bobby thanks him again and kneels in front of Evan, “I gotta go to work now, buddy. I’ll be back in the morning.” 

Evan hugs his dad around the neck, “Don’t go.”

“I’m sorry, buddy,” Bobby kisses the top of his head. “I wish I could stay with you, but I have to go help people. Uncle Chimney is going to take good care of you. I love you, Ev.” 

“Love you too,” Evan mumbles into Bobby’s neck. 

Bobby stands up, “I have a bag with the medicine and clothes and stuff. Call me if you help or anything.” 

The second Bobby is out the door, Evan seems to get even quieter. Chimney slings the bag over his shoulder and says, “Why don’t we go sit on the couch and get you settled.” Evan nods and lets Chimney lead him the little ways to the living room. Evan jumps up on the couch, squishing himself into the corner. From the bag, Chimney pulls out a bottle of kid’s cold and flu medicine, he sneers when he sees that it’s grape flavored, and a stuffed bear. 

The second he sees the bear, Evan snatches it out of Chimney’s hands and squishes it to his chest, burying his nose in the fur. “Woah, buddy,” Chimney laughs. “You really love that thing, huh?” 

“Sorry,” Evan mumbles. 

Chimney smiles, “It’s okay. What’s its name?” 

“His name is Bunny,” Evan tells him. 

“That’s a great name. When I was your age I had a little stuffed duck that I named Quackers. Not very creative, huh?” Evan shakes his head with a small smile. Chimney pours Evan a little bit of the medicine. “Your dad said you’re pretty sick, huh?” 

Evan nods, “My nose is stuffy and my throat hurts.”

Chimney makes a sympathetic noise and hands him the cup of medicine, “This’ll help you feel better.” 

“Are you really my uncle?” Evan asks bluntly once he downs the medicine. 

“Sort of,” Chimney begins, “I’m not Bobby’s brother so I’m not your uncle in that sense, but all of the firefighters and paramedics at the 118, we’re like a family. We take care of each other. Your dad called me your uncle because that’s the easiest way to explain it.” Chimney sighs, “Bud, it’s okay if you don’t want me to be your uncle-”

Evan shakes his head, “I’ve never had an uncle before.” 

Chim smiles at him, “We’ll now you’ve got me.”

“Uncle Chimney,” Evan tries out, grinning up.

“You know my name isn’t really Chimney.” Chim nudges Evan’s shoulder. “My name is really Howard but people usually call me Howie.” 

“You have three names?” Evan asks. “That’s so lucky. I just have one.” 

“How ‘bout I give you one, buckaroo?” Evan nods excitedly. Chimney thinks for a moment. “How about Buck? Short for buckaroo and also short for young buck.” 

“What does that mean?” Evan asks. 

“It means a high spirited young man, which you are.” 

Evan smiles, “I like it!

After Chimney gets Evan settled on the couch, he plays a movie, A Bug’s Life of course, and texts Bobby a quick update. Only twenty minutes into the movie, Evan’s eyes start to droop closed so before he falls asleep on the couch, Chimney asks, “Okay, Buck, do you want to sleep in the guest bedroom or-”

“Can I sleep here?” Evan interrupts. He immediately looks down, “Sorry.” 

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Chimney assures him. “You can sleep on the couch if you want. I’ll be right back to get you some blankets and pillows.”

Chimney returns a minute or so later from the linen closet and unfurls a blanket over Evan, setting the second one by his feet in case he gets cold. 

“Thank you,” Evan says softly as he adjusts the pillow under his head. 

“Of course.” Chimney sits on the coffee table to tell him, “I’ll be just down the hall so wake me up if you need me. I’ll leave the hall light on.” 

“Okay.” 

“Goodnight, Buck.” 

“Night,” Evan replies with a small smile at the nickname.

In his bedroom, he sends Bobby a text that Evan is in bed and as he plugs his phone in, he finds himself considerably tired for it not even being 9:00. But Chimney just changes clothes and slides into bed and falls asleep. 

He wakes up at midnight, not quite sure why. He slides out of bed. Chimney walks down the hall to the kitchen with the intent to check on Evan who should be sound asleep on the couch. But he’s not. When Chimney walks into the living room, he sees Evan sitting up on the couch. The boy holds Bunny to his chest as he gently rocks back and forth. Chimney intentionally makes his footsteps a little louder. 

Evan whips to look at him, eyes wide. He relaxes a little when he sees Chimney. 

“Can’t sleep, kiddo?” Chimney clicks on a lamp and sits down on the couch. 

Evan shakes his head, “I don’t feel good. I want daddy.” 

Chimney hums in sympathy, “How about I give you some more medicine and then we call your dad?” Evan nods miserably, resting his cheek on Bunny. Once he downs the purple medicine, Chimney sits on the couch and pulls out his phone. To his surprise, Evan presses up against his side and rests his cheek on Chimney’s chest. 

Bobby answers the video call on the third ring. From what Chimney can see, Bobby is sitting on the couch in the firehouse. “Hey, Chim. Everything good?” 

Chimney adjusts the angle of the camera so Bobby can see Evan on his chest, “Evan’s having a hard time falling asleep.” 

“Oh,” Bobby smiles softly upon seeing his son. “Hi, buddy. You can’t sleep?” Evan shakes his head no. “Because you’re sick?” Evan hesitates, looks up at Chimney, and nods slowly. Bobby looks up at Chimney, “Chim, can you give us a moment?”

“Of course,” he hands his phone to Evan and gently worms his way out from under the boy. 

As he walks into the kitchen, he hears Evan’s soft voice talking to his dad and Bobby’s soft responses. He pours himself a glass of water and then a smaller one for Evan. He waits in the kitchen for a few minutes until he hears the sound of the facetime ending. 

Chimney walks back in the living room and hands Evan the glass of water as he sits down next to him. “You feeling better?” Evan nods as he sips the water. “Good. Do you think you can get some sleep now?” 

“Yeah,” Evan wriggles his feet under the blanket. He looks down at his lap and asks, “Will you stay until I fall asleep?” 

Chimney’s heart nearly melts and he can’t find it in himself to deny the child, “Of course, Buck. I’ll be right here.” As if to prove the point, Chimney leans back on the couch, making himself comfortable. 

Evan takes his pillow and puts it in Chimney’s lap before laying down, Bunny in his arms again. Chimney smiles and gently pulls the blanket up over his shoulders. Chimney was never there when his brother was this little and he doesn’t have any kids and Denny is the closest thing he has to a nephew. But now here’s this kid who seems to trust him enough to fall asleep in his lap and calls him Uncle Chimney.

Once Evan has been asleep for a few minutes, Chimney gently lifts the pillow and Evan’s head off his lap and slides out from under them. He smiles down at Evan, “Sweet dreams, Buck.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I love reading the comments you guys have left :D
> 
> If you have any ideas for future chapters, I'd love to hear them! 
> 
> Tumblr- @romeoandjulietyouwish


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “I will squeeze the unhappiness out of you!”

There are days when Bobby can’t forget his family. He sees them no matter where he goes or what he sees. He sees the fire. He used to drown his memories in alcohol and force himself to forget. Even now, two years sober, Bobby’s fingers are itching for a drink. Four years ago today he killed his family and 145 other people who had the misfortune to live in the same building as Bobby. 

It’s days like today that he thinks about the what-ifs. He imagines what kind of people Brook and Robert would have become. Would either of them become firefighters like their dad? Would they go to college? How would it feel to walk Brook down the aisle? Would Bobby have ever told them about his addiction? Where would he have retired with his wife? 

Bobby can’t get the thoughts out of his head. 

But something cuts through the fog. Someone is tugging on his arm. Bobby looks down and sees Evan kneeling on the couch beside him, eyes sad and concerned. Bobby smiles through his tears at his son and gently reaches out to cup his cheek, thumb brushing over his birthmark. 

“Daddy?” Evan asks shyly. 

“Come here, buddy,” Bobby lifts Evan and turns him around so that he is sitting on his lap. “I have something I want to tell you about.” Evan cocks his head to the side in curiosity. “Before I lived in California I lived in Minnesota and I had a wife and two kids.” 

Evan looks at him with curiosity, “Where are they? Can I meet them?” 

“No, buddy,” Bobby tucks a curl behind Evan’s ear. “They’re-They’re gone.” 

“Like forever?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Oh,” Evan frowns and nestles into Bobby’s arms. 

There’s a strange duality in Bobby’s mind. If the fire in Minnesota hadn’t happened, then Bobby never would have joined the 118 and he never would have adopted Evan.

“They both would have been older than you by almost seven years, but they would have loved you so much.” He smiles down at Evan. “Robert always wanted another boy in the house. My wife would have loved you so much.” 

Evan goes silent for a moment, “Do you think they’d be mad at me?” 

Bobby frowns and tenderly moves Evan’s curls out of his eyes, “Why do you say that?” 

Evan shrugs and looks down at lap, “Because you’re my dad and they’re not here.” 

Bobby sighs, “There is enough room in my heart for all three of my kids. Just because I love you doesn’t mean I don’t love them and vice versa. You all take up an equal place in my heart. Brook and Robert are gone, but they’re still here,” Bobby taps his temple, “and right here,” he taps his heart.

“Do you think they can hear me if I talk to them?” Evan asks. 

“I’m sure they can.” 

Evan clears his throat lightly, “Um, hi Brook and Robert and Mrs. Nash.” Bobby smiles. “My name’s Evan. It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for letting him be my dad and for showing him how to be such a good dad. I’m sad I never got to meet you but you seem really nice. Daddy cares about you a lot and I love you.” 

Bobby has tears in his eyes as he presses a kiss to the top of Evan’s head, “That was perfect, bud.” 

Evan snuggles back into Bobby’s arms, “Do you miss them?” 

“Everyday.” 

Bobby and Evan sit in silence for a moment, Bobby running his fingers through Evan’s curls. He takes a deep breath and lets himself think about his family. 

He thinks about Marcy and her beautiful smile, how she looked at him as she walked down the aisle. He thinks of her with snowflakes in her hair, her cold lips against his as they laugh into a kiss. He thinks of all the reasons he fell in love with her. 

He thinks of Brook and Robert. He thinks of holding them for the first time, kissing their little foreheads. He thinks of the infectious laughter as they chased each other around. He thinks of them falling asleep against his shoulder after a long night. 

Bobby doesn’t even realize he’s crying until Evan’s hand touches his cheek. Evan’s brow is furrowed in sadness and bobby gives him the most reassuring smile he can, “I’m okay, Ev.” 

“I know what to do,” Evan says determinedly. He wraps his arms around Bobby and squeezes, “I’ll squeeze the sadness out of you!”

Bobby laughs and hugs Evan back, “Thanks, buddy.” He presses a kiss to Evan’s cheek. “I love you so much.” 

“I love you too,” Evan’s voice is muffled a little against Bobby’s chest. 

As Bobby holds his son, he takes a deep breath. He doesn’t feel like he’s living as punishment anymore, he doesn’t feel the same guilt he used to, he doesn’t live in fear that he’ll never balance the books. He just feels so grateful at this second chance he’s been given. He’ll never forget Brook and Robert and Marcy but he can keep living his life, serve his community, and raise his son in their memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! 
> 
> Tumblr- @evanbuckley-heartofgold
> 
> I'd love to hear any ideas you have for this AU :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If anything happened to you— I couldn’t…”

The bell ringing interrupts Bobby as he is just about to sit down. With a sigh, Bobby changes direction and hustles down to the truck bay, pulling on his uniform and following his team into the trucks. 

As Bobby communicates with dispatch, his face grows paler and paler. There’s a fire at Evenglen Elementary. That’s where Evan goes. 

According to dispatch, the 142 is already there but they need back up, there are kids still trapped inside. Bobby knows he should sit this one out but he can’t do nothing knowing that his son might be trapped inside. He can’t lose another child. 

“Bobby...” Hen says, putting a hand on his shoulder as they load out of the truck. 

He brushes her hand off, “I need to do this.” 

All of the students are gathered in the parking lot behind the firetrucks, most of them shaking and holding on to each other. The teachers are just as distraught, taking headcounts of their students. Bobby can’t stop his eyes from searching the crowd for Evan. 

They jog up to the captain of the 142 who turns to them and starts giving them the rundown. “We have four students trapped inside. Three in one classroom on the east side, room 204, and one in the bathroom.” 

Bobby nods, “Names?” It’s typical to ask for names, especially when dealing with children, but this time Bobby has ulterior motives. He needs to know if his son is in the building. 

“Ashley, Jacob, Carter, and Evan.” 

Every organ in Bobby’s body seizes up at the name. Evan. Sure it’s a fairly common name, but he’s sure that if Evan were out in the parking lot he would have run to his dad the second he saw the big 118 on the side of the trucks. Evan is stuck inside. 

Bobby turns to his team, all of them watching him with nervous eyes. “Chimney, Daniels, take the east room. I’ll go to the bathroom.” 

“Bobby-” Chimney tries. 

“Not now,” Bobby says. “Find the closest entrance to the classroom and sound off when you’re out, got it?” Daniels and Chimney nods and jog off. Bobby looks at Hen, “Be ready for when we bring those kids out to treat them for possible burns and smoke inhalation.” Hen nods, she looks like she wants to say something more but Bobby turns away before she can. 

Only two minutes later, Bobby steps into the building. There’s fire all around him and the smoke is as thick as fog. Bobby walks carefully, having to stop himself from sprinting down the hall towards his son. He knows that’s not safe and he needs to be safe so he can get to Evan. 

He takes a deep breath, ignoring all the reminders of a fire from so many years ago. This time he’s prepared and wearing gear. He hears screams echoing in his mind, but he forces himself to ignore them. His child needs him right now, he can’t afford to be distracted. 

The hallways of the school, once covered with colorful student drawings and paintings are now a red hot inferno. The fire alarm still blares loudly, making it near impossible to hear anything else. As Bobby looks around he’s amazed at how quickly this fire must have gone up, it seems to be everywhere. It’s a miracle only four students are still inside. 

Bobby pushes the bathroom door open with his shoulder. The bathroom is filled with smoke, but not as bad as the hallway. He doesn’t see anyone at first then a head or curly hair pokes out from behind one of the stalls. Evan’s face is streaked with tears and his hands are over his ears to block out the fire alarm, he coughs weakly into his arm. From across the room, Bobby can hear his breath wheezing. Evan watches him nervously for a second, clearly unsure of who is behind the mask and gear. 

“It’s me, buddy,” Bobby tells him, reaching a hand out to his son. “I’m gonna get you out of here.” 

“Daddy,” Evan cries harder as he runs towards Bobby. Bobby embraces him tightly. He’s got him. 

“We’re out and safe, cap,” Chimney reports. 

“I’m heading out with Evan now,” Bobby says into his radio. He looks down at his son and rips open the velcro on his jacket. “Okay, it’s really hot out there, buddy, so I’m going to put my coat around you, and I need you to hold on a tight as you can.” 

Evan nods seriously and climbs into Bobby’s arms, wrapping his legs around his waist and tucks his head against his chest. Bobby carefully pulls the coat over his son and wraps his arms around him to hold him in place. He takes a deep breath and pushes the door open with his hip. 

As he walks out of the school, he feels Evan’s tears start to soak through his shirt. He holds his son a little tighter. Evan has already been through so much he can’t imagine how terrified he is right now. 

Once they’re outside, Bobby opens his jacket and sets Evan on the ground. Hen immediately by his side, kneeling down to be even with Evan. Bobby takes off his mask and helmet and puts a reassuring hand on Evan’s shoulder. All of his worries and panicked thoughts need to wait, right now he needs to focus on comforting Evan. After checking him over initially, Hen starts to lead him towards the ambulances to be looked over, but Evan refuses to let go of Bobby’s hand. 

“It’s okay, Ev,” Bobby says softly to his kid. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be right next to you.” Evan looks up at him with his big blue eyes and nods.

That night at home, Evan is asleep against Bobby’s chest, sitting on top of him. Bobby gently kisses the top of his son’s head and whispers, “I love you so much, Evan. If anything happened to you...I couldn’t…” Bobby shakes his head as tears well in his eyes. “I-I couldn’t keep living,” Bobby admits to his sleeping son. “I can’t lose any more of my kids. You’re the most important thing in the world to me, kiddo.” 

Bobby hugs Evan tight, resting his cheek on top of his curls. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> Tumblr- @evanbuckley-heartofgold


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What about Buck having nightmares, and Athena babysitting him cause Mama Thea and Baby Buck melts everyone's heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: implied child abuse

Before Bobby knocks on the door, he crouches down in front of his son. Evan tips his head to the side expectantly. “Listen to me, bud. If at any point you are overwhelmed or uncomfortable, all you have to do is tug on my sleeve and we’ll go, okay?” 

Evan nods and Bobby affectionately ruffles his hair. He stands and knocks three times on the door. It swings open after a few seconds and Athena smiles at the two of them. She’s dressed a little nicer than normal, but they both agreed that his dinner won’t be anything fancy. “Come on in,” she steps aside and allows them to walk past her. “Dinner’ll be ready in five.” 

“Sounds good,” Bobby responds. He keeps a hand on Evan’s shoulder as they walk down into the living room, Athena trailing behind them. May and Harry are sitting on the couch, they stand when they see Bobby and Evan. May smiles at Evan while Harry looks at him curiously. Evan looks up at both of them nervously. Bobby has met Athena’s kids a handful of times before, but this is the first time their kids are meeting each other. 

Before deciding on this dinner, Bobby and Athena had a long talk about the future, their future. Since they both have kids it was an especially important discussion. Their decision at the end was not to make any more concrete decisions until their kids meet. If for whatever reason they don’t get along, Bobby knows he might have to rethink some things. Because Evan is the most important person in his life and he doesn’t want to force the boy into something he doesn’t want or would be comfortable with. 

May smiles at Evan and gives him a wave, “Hey, Evan. I’m May and this is Harry,” she nods to her brother. Evan returns the wave shyly, hiding a little behind Bobby’s legs. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” 

“You too,” Evan’s voice is quiet and Bobby knows it’s because he understands how important tonight is. He wishes Evan didn’t have to worry so much. 

“You’re dad’s a firefighter, that’s so cool!” Harry exclaims. “Have you ever been in a firetruck?” 

Evan nods, “Yeah.” 

Harry groans, “You’re so lucky, mom says that I can’t ride in her police car.” 

“Not unless you’ve committed a crime,” Athena laughs and ruffles her son’s hair. The oven beeps in the kitchen and she touches Bobby’s shoulder as she walks past him. Bobby watches on as Evan walks over to Harry and the two strike up a conversation. 

May walks over to him and says, “You don’t need to be so worried. Evan seems really sweet.” 

Bobby smiles at her, “I know, it’s just nerve-wracking. This is the first time my son is meeting my partner’s family, I think I’m allowed to be worried.” 

“Dinner, everybody!” Athena calls from the kitchen, interrupting whatever May had been about to say. Harry and May walk briskly to the dining table while Evan walks up to Bobby, sticking close to his side as they walk towards the dining table

Bobby gets Evan settled between him and Harry and helps him fill up his plate with the dishes they pass around. Once everyone’s plates are filled, all five of them take hands and bow their heads.

After they pray and begin to dig in, Athena looks over and Evan with a smile, “How’s school been for you, Evan? You transferred to a school in the city, right?.” 

Evan nods, “Yeah.” After Evan’s school burned down, Bobby transferred him to Harry’s school which is also helpfully closer to the fire station. He doubts that Harry and Evan have had much of a chance to interact since they’re in different grades. “Um, it’s been good,” he looks nervously up at Bobby who nods encouragingly for him to continue. “We went on a field trip to the museum last week.” 

May smiles, “I remember going there when I was in elementary school. Did you get to go into the butterfly room?” 

Evan nods excitedly, “That was my favorite part! It was really hot in there but there were so many different colored butterflies.” 

“My favorite part is the dinosaurs,” Harry says. “The one with all the spikes is my favorite.” 

Evan shakes his head with a little laugh, “Those are too scary.” As the three kids discuss the museum and their favorite exhibits and memories from school trips, Athena and Bobby share a smile across the table. He takes her hand and squeezes lightly.

After dinner, once all the dishes and in the dishwasher, Harry takes Evan’s hand and the two boys nearly run to Harry’s room, talking and laughing. Bobby feels a swell of pride in his chest. Athena sits down next to him on the couch as May departs to her bedroom as well. Bobby smiles at her, “This went well.” 

“Yeah, better than I could have expected,” Athena leans against his shoulder. “Does this mean another long talk is on the horizon?” 

Bobby chuckles, “I guess so. We can wait a little bit though.” 

Athena hums contentedly and links their fingers together, Bobby resting his cheek against the top of her head.

“Do you think you could watch Evan on Tuesday night?” Bobby asks after a moment of silence. “I have an overnight shift and I don’t really want to leave him with his babysitter.” 

“Of course,” Athena agrees. “I’d love to. Micheal’s got the kids that night so I can come over to your apartment.” 

“Thank you,” Bobby says. “I’m sure he’ll be happier with someone he’s more comfortable with.” He watches a smile spread over her face at that.

...

On Tuesday night, Evan is put to bed by Athena. She smiles softly at him and draws the covers up to his shoulders. It feels nice, Evan decides. She brushes a curl out of his face and reads him a chapter from his book. 

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” Athena says as she leaves the room, clicking off his light. His room is illuminated only by the faint blue light from the nightlight across the room. Evan turns on his side, back facing the wall as he hugs Bunny and closes his eyes.

Evan dreams of people screaming at him, their faces tomato red in anger. He dreams of their harsh words and angry fists. He hears glass smashing and he can smell the thick scent of tobacco. 

Evan jerks awake when someone touches his shoulder. He scrambles backward in panic, pressing his back into where the corner of his bed meets the corner of the wall. He wraps himself into a tight ball, knees up protectively against his chest. All he can hear is the echo of angry words and his hard breathing. 

In the darkness, his eyes search his room, looking for anyone who could hurt him. There’s someone sitting on the edge of his bed. “Don’t hurt me,” Evan whimpers. “I-I’ll be good, I promise.” 

The lamp clicks on and Evan can see the person sitting in front of him. His dad’s girlfriend. Athena. She’s looking at him with a deep frown. Her voice shifts through all the noise in his head, “I’m not going to hurt you, Evan. You’re safe.” 

Evan shakes his head, “D-Daddy?” He can help, he knows he’s safe with Bobby. 

Athena sighs, “He’s at work, Evan. I can’t call him right now. I’m sorry, sweetheart. Is there anything I can do?”

Evan squeezes Bunny even tighter and shakes his head. He wants a hug, to be held in someone’s arms and know he’s safe, but he can’t ask for that. He can’t. 

“Are you sure, baby?” Athena asks. “Do you want a glass of water?”

Evan shakes his head. He takes deep breaths just like his dad and his therapist taught him.

Then before he can help himself, he crawls to Athena and worms his way into her arms. He rests his head on her shoulder and waits with a pounding heart for her to shove him away, but she doesn’t. Instead, her arms curl around him, squeezing just the right amount. He cries softly into her shoulder and she gently runs her fingers through his curls. 

“It’s okay, baby,” she tells him softly. “You’re okay.” 

He lets her arms support him and protect him from his memories. 

“You’re safe,” Athena repeats over and over. 

And he believes it. He knows that he’s safe with her, she’s the first person besides his dad that he’s ever believed those words from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> If you have any prompts for this AU, I'd love to hear them!
> 
> Tumblr- @evanbuckley-heartofgold


	8. Chapter 8

Around 1:00, Evan is pulled out of class by one of the nice front desk ladies. She tells him that someone is here for him, Evan is too curious about what’s going on that he doesn’t notice the grim look on her face. 

“Athena?” Evan asks when he sees who is waiting in the lobby for him. 

The woman stands and she smiles softly down at him, “Hey, sweetheart. You’re going to come with me, okay?” 

Evan frowns, “But, school’s not over yet. Daddy’s not here to pick me up.” 

Athena sighs and kneels down in front of him. “Evan, your dad got pretty hurt at work today. I’m going to take you to the hospital to see him.” 

He freezes for a moment, remembering all of the years he spent alone and unloved. His dad’s hurt and Evan suddenly realizes how fragile his life is, after his dad, there’s no one else for him. He’ll be alone again. 

“Evan?” Athena asks when he’s silent. 

“Is he gonna be okay?” Evan asks softly. He doesn’t look at his dad’s girlfriend, he’s too afraid to see her reaction. 

“Yeah, he’s going to be fine,” she squeezes his shoulder. “Come on, sweetie.” 

The whole car ride to the hospital, Evan doesn’t say a word to Athena. He’s seen his dad’s scrapes and bruises from work but he’s never had to visit him in the hospital. And he knows that Athena said he’s fine, but he won’t fully believe it until his dad is giving him a big hug.

When they get to the hospital, Athena takes his hand and leads him through the waiting room and into a hospital room. Evan freezes when he sees his dad. 

Bobby is lying still on the hospital bed, all sorts of tubes and wires connected to him. He can see bandages poking out from underneath the collar of his hospital gown. There are small scrapes on his face and what he can see of his hands. Evan wants to call out to his dad and wake him up, but he feels as though a brick is resting on his lungs.

“It’s okay,” Athena assures him, pushing gently on his back to urge him further into the room. “I know it looks scary, but he’s okay. Do you want to sit with him?” Evan nods.

Athena lifts him up and helps him up onto the hospital bed. Evan looks down at Bobby for a moment, his head tipped to the side. With one hand he slowly reaches out and touches his dad’s cheek. Evan nearly flinches when nothing happens, Bobby’s skin is colder than normal under his touch. He looks nervously over at Athena, “I don’t want to hurt him.” 

“You won’t,” Athena assures him. “Look, if you put your head on his shoulder you won’t touch any part of him that’s hurt.” 

Evan sees where she’s pointing and tentatively puts his head down. He squeezes his eyes shut when Bobby’s arm doesn’t immediately move to wrap him in a hug. He doesn’t want Athena to see how upset he is, afraid she’ll make him leave, so he turns his nose against his dad’s side. 

As he closes his eyes, the beeping of the heart monitor and the whirr of the breathing mask create a horrible lullaby. But he forces himself to tune them out and instead focus on the strong thumping of his dad’s heart. Evan lets the thumps hypnotize him and he thinks of the night he met his dad. 

_From the backseat of the car, Evan heard the sirens whirling, getting louder by the second. Everything around him was dark, except for the headlights, reflected back against the rain, illuminating the shattered glass. Thankfully the window beside him wasn’t broken so Evan was safe from the rain. Groaning softly, he shifted to look out the back window as firetrucks and ambulances came rushing onto the road. In the sleet of the rain reflecting the flashing lights, Evan could see people running towards him, shouting things to each other he couldn’t understand._

_Someone came to his car window, making him jump and whimper as he struggled to get away from them, his seatbelt keeping him rooted in place._

_“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” the firefighter soothed him, talking a bit louder over the thundering rain. “My name is Bobby, I’m going to get you out of here, okay?” Evan nodded hesitantly._

_He looked to the front seat where his parents are silent for once, sagged like ragdolls in their seatbelts. “Mommy? Daddy?”_

_“I have my best people working to get them out,” the firefighter, Bobby, assured him. “I’m going to open the door and make sure that you’re okay.” The door opened and the firefighter crouched down on the ground to look up at him, rain struck his jacket and his helmet but he paid it no mind. “What’s your name?”_

_“Evan.”_

_“Okay, Evan, does anything hurt?” He shook his head, looking down at his lap. His parents told him not to say anything, made him swear. Evan could feel the firefighter looking him up and down. “Are you lying to me?” Evan whimpered a little bit and nodded. But the firefighter just nods, “Okay, I’m going to get you out and to the ambulance alright? We’re going to check you over.”_

_With that, Bobby reached in and cut through Evan’s seatbelt. Freed from the restraint, Evan shied a little away from the firefighter, watching him apprehensively. He could hear people all around him shouting things and calling out words he didn’t understand, but all of his attention was focused on the firefighter._

_Bobby smiled at him and extended a hand, “You’re going to be okay. Do you trust me?” Evan nodded, slightly surprised by his own response. He tentatively took the firefighter’s hand and let him lift him out of the car. He squeezed his eyes shut, tears seeping out, and hid his head against the firefighter’s stiff and wet jacket. He felt the man’s arms tighten slightly around him. The firefighter did his best to shield him from the cold rain, but it still managed to soak Evan in the short run to the ambulance._

_“Anna, this is Evan,” the firefighter said as Evan was set down in the ambulance and out of his rain. Evan fought the urge to cover his ears at the sound of the rain hitting the top of the ambulance. “He said something hurts, but I didn’t see any blood or broken bones, possible head trauma.”_

_Evan whimpered as Bobby started to leave, he caught the man’s sleeve and tugged slightly. The man smiled at him, “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Can you point to where it hurts?” Evan hesitantly pointed to his left side._

_The paramedic frowned, “Can I lift up your shirt to see what’s going on?” Evan nodded, looking at Bobby trustfully. The paramedic’s cold fingers lifted up his shirt, Evan looked away as she gently prodded the large purple bruise he knew was there. “Evan, what side of the car were you in, sweetie?”_

_When Evan didn’t answer Bobby did, “Backseat, passenger side.”_

_The paramedic was silent for a moment before she said, “Cap, can I talk to you for a sec?” Bobby nodded and looked down at Evan and tugged a grey blanket over his shoulders, “I’m just going to go over there, okay?” Evan nodded and looked down as the two adults walked away, but not far enough away that he couldn’t hear their conversation. His hands shook, so he tightened them around the blanket._

_“Bobby, there is no way he got that bruise in the accident. It should have been on the right side if at all,” the paramedic’s soft voice carried over the sounds of rain and shouting._

_“What are you saying?”_

_The paramedic shook her head, “Cap, once you’ve dealt with emergencies for a long time, you get to see a pattern in some of the cases. Someone hurt that kid.”_

_The firefighter sighed and glanced back at Evan who kept his head down, “Okay. Okay, um, you go find Chim, see how the parents are doing.” She nodded and jogged off. Evan looked down at his shoes as Bobby returned, sitting in the ambulance beside him. Evan didn’t say anything, eyes fixed out the ambulance doors. He could see the doors of the car being cut off and the firefighters laying his parents down on stretchers. He watched as the paramedic looked over both of them, he could see her grim expression in the bright lights._

_The firefighter lifted him into his arms, turning his face into his shoulder as the bodies of his parents were covered with stark white sheets._

Now, Evan is curled up against his dad’s side, his eyes closed as he breathes slowly. Evan’s tears soak through Bobby’s hospital gown. Then Bobby’s arm tightens slightly around him and he groans softly. Evan sits up in a flash, suddenly wide awake. He watches his dad’s face anxiously as Bobby slowly opens his eyes, blinking a few times. A small whimper escapes Evan’s lips, causing his dad to look up at him. “Evan?” 

Evan doesn’t say anything, just wraps his arms where Athena showed him and hides his tears. “I’m okay, buddy,” Bobby tells him gently, hugging him back as much as he can. “I’m sorry if I scared you. I’m okay.” 

“I was scared,” Evan admits, “that you would leave me too.” 

“Oh, baby,” Bobby presses a kiss to his hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” 

“I promise.” Evan nestles into his arms, relaxing into the feeling of being completely safe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated! 
> 
> If you have any ideas you want to see in this au, let me know!
> 
> Tumblr- @evanbuckley-heartofgold


	9. 14 years later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy we've reached the end! I know this is kind of an unexpected ending, but as I was planning out what I thought were going to be the next three chapters, I didn't really like any of the ideas so I'm ending it here with this chapter! And I may or may not have cried while writing this...
> 
> Thank you so much to the people who have been here since I started this au and to the people who just found this for the first time! I love you all and happy reading!

_Fourteen years later..._

Bobby squeezes Athena’s hand as Chimney, now the captain of the 118, talks before the crowd. He talks about the honor of the job as well as the duty to the city and the strength it takes to be a Los Angeles first responder, but Bobby’s eyes are only on his son. 

Evan stands proudly beside Chimney, his head held high. He’s wearing a perfectly pressed dark blue dress uniform, his hands behind his back. Though Evan’s face is serene, Bobby knows his son well enough to see his excitement underneath it. Evan’s worked long and hard to become a firefighter and only a few hours ago Evan called him in tears saying that he couldn’t believe he was about to become an actual firefighter.

“I am proud to announce that your probationary period is at an end,” Chimney turns to Evan with a smile and shakes Evan’s hand. “Welcome to the 118, Firefighter Nash,” Chimney finishes. A bright smile spreads across Evan’s face at the words. Chimney nods to Bobby who stands and closes the few feet between the two of them. Pinning the shield onto a firefighter or paramedic is an honored tradition. When Bobby ended his probationary year, Marcy did it for him, at the time she was only his fiancee. Now it’s his turn to do the same for Evan.

He runs his thumb over the surface of the shield and takes Evan’s lapel. As Bobby reaches out and pins the shield to his son’s shirt, his eyes well with tears. “If you cry, I’m going to cry,” Evan says softly. 

Bobby smiles at him, “I can’t help it. You’re all grown up.” He pulls Evan into a big hug as the crowd cheers the newly inaugurated Firefighter Nash. “I am so proud of you, buddy.” 

“Thank you,” Evan squeezes him back just as tight. “I couldn’t have done it without you.” And Bobby knows that he’s not talking about the sleepless nights helping him study for the test or the home-cooked meals after a long day. He’s talking about fourteen years ago when Bobby took in a little boy and gave him a better life. “I love you so much, dad.” 

“I love you too, kiddo,” Bobby pulls him back into another hug, not even ashamed of the tears pouring down his cheeks. “You mean everything to me.” As he pulls away, Bobby affectionately squeezes the back of his next. 

“My turn next.” Bobby turns around to see Athena and May and Harry are waiting behind them to embrace the youngest member of their family. Harry’s home from college and May had driven down with her husband. Athena pulls Evan into a hug, “Congratulations, sweetheart.” 

“Thank you, mom,” Evan whispers into her ear. 

“Here, I got you something.” Athena reaches into her pocket and pulls out a sticker of a dragonfly. “It’s for your helmet,” she explains. “Thought it could use a little decoration.” 

Evan lets out a watery laugh and he pulls her into another big hug, “Thank you.” 

As Evan lets Athena go, he embraces both of his siblings, lifting May off the ground with a laugh. Bobby puts his arm around Athena and she leans into his side. 

Bobby thinks back to where it all started, the car crash. He never could have known then that the child he was carrying in his arms in the rain that night would become the most important person in the world to him. He could never have known the incredible person that Evan would become or the things that he would teach him about being a good father and a good man. 

He’s seen Evan grow from a scared little boy into such a curious child and then into one of the kindest men that Bobby has ever known. When Evan first told him that he wanted to become a firefighter, Bobby was terrified. He knows better than anyone that it’s an incredibly hard job, emotionally and physically that could potentially put his life at risk. But now there is no doubt in his mind that Evan is going to be an amazing and dedicated firefighter.

Bobby thinks of Evan as a child, taking his hand when he felt scared, planting a kiss on his cheek, and hugging him tightly. He thinks of everything he went through every awful moment before and after they met. He thinks of the person that Evan has become despite his trauma and all of the people that have hurt him. He’s come so far.

He watches Evan embrace Hen and Chimney, all three of them grinning wildly. Hen affectionately ruffles his hair and he swats her hand away. As Evan turns back to look at his dad with a beaming smile, Bobby feels something settle in his chest. He takes a deep breath, fighting back more tears. Bobby can still see that little boy running and jumping into his arms after a long day apart, laughing infectiously. That little boy is all grown up now, he’s starting a life on his own and growing into himself, Bobby can’t wait to see what’s next. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> Tumblr- @evanbuckley-heartofgold

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are very much appreciated!
> 
> If you have any ideas for chapters in this AU, feel free to let me know! I have some planned, but not all of them :D
> 
> Tumblr- @evanbuckley-heartofgold


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